Breaking up with SRK

                                                       

    No. No, no, Shahrukh Khan. No.

    This is not how you want to buoy your dipping career graph, or look to woo your audience south of Mumbai. Not just because it is absolute nonsense and a confirmation that you have decided you'll keep making your money living off your previous hits, but also because this tells us you're taking us for granted.

    You know what? No one likes that. 

    And more importantly, because you are single handedly destroying all efforts Barfi, Vicky Donor (laughs, anyone? ), Wasseypur, Inglish Vinglish and other sensible movies courageous directors are slowly starting to make, sometimes with a fraction of the movie you can afford to blow. And none of the power you wield in the industry.

     Because you're telling them, "why do you need to bother  making good movies? Look at me. I'm SRK, I make nonsense and make money as the suckers lap it up."

     Chennai Express got you your money, sure. I hope you enjoy the pelf. 

    So go ahead, wear your madras checks (or RA-One costume) and do your worst. But know this: Playing a forty year old Rahul getting excited about an upcoming Goa trip with friends and cracking loud, crass jokes is not how your core audience gave you your success in the first place. 

    Just to put it in perspective, looking for "hot babes/dudes" in Goa is understandable in 16 year olds. Your son and daughter will soon be asking for permission for that trip, if they have not already.

    In 40 year olds, it is plain creepy. When you do that on screen, you tell hundreds of men in India that it is OK to do so. Is it your fault people people behave foolishly? No. Is it your responsibility to make sure you're not worsening the situation, if not bettering it? Yes. 

    How can one do it in out and out commercial movies? Case in point: scene where Chulbul Pandey tells his wife "aap meri patni ho, ghulaam nahi..." after knowingly bothering her over odds and ends while she's busy doing household chores.

    That Khan knows he has a following: people who blindly and stupidly ape what he does on screen. He is not to blame for that, neither can he control it. None of you want to, either. So in his home production, he is making some effort to use that power to drill sense into our collective heads. 

    And you are the smartest of them all, are you not, SRK? With the biggest following among them all?     

    We made you into SRK because you acted in slightly "different" movies: movies that did not bank solely on shoulders going hichik-michik or mockery of people. Movies that were a break from the otherwise mindless dhoom dhadaka naach gana of the 90s. Only, you've taken it all back to the worst of that era and then dragged it down some more. 

    Remember "Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa", "Darr", "Raju Ban Gaya Gentleman",  "Dilwale Dulhaniya..", "Chak De...", "Swades",  even "Dil Toh Pagal Hain" and "Kal Ho Na Ho"?  

    Know what, SRK? We do not owe it to you to make you successful. It is quite the other way round.

    You made Billu and  Ra-One. We were taken aback, but we let it slide. You made a Jab Tak Hain Jaan, we were hurt but it was more abhimaan (speaking of remakes, why not that one?) than despise. But that was when the feeling that you were taking us for granted really sank in. 

    Because a man as smart as SRK makes one mistake. Ok, two. We were ready to indulge you and your pride.     "See? Only SRK can make this bad a movie and still recover his money and make the audience go with it."

    The third time, it is not a mistake, it is a calculated move.

    The fourth time, it is an insult. A slap across our faces. You are telling me, us, that you do not care for the very audience that made you what you are. The one that you represented: the urban, not so loud, not so crass male. We called you King Khan not because you could churn out badly rehashed inanities, but inspite of that.          Now you've taken it too far.

      Fine, you want to be really popular in Tamil Nadu. The "south", in general. Did you really have to take what represents the worst of Tamil cinema and add hindi dialouges to it to do that? 

    You, SRK? The man who could look into the camera, smile his dimpled smile and make the whole theater go weak in the knees? The most romantic of all heroes Bollywood has seen since I started watching Hindi movies? 

    The man who taught the Bollywood audience that not always is the hero white and villain black? That there are greys to be considered? 

    So, what happened? 

    You aged? People do that.
    Mr. Bachchan was more masala and more commercial than you've been in your peak, and he evolved. He tried a Lal Badshaah and some, quickly realised his mistake and there on, changed course. 

    He did not let his ego stop him from playing characters that fit his age. It only made people respect him more, and as far as my layman's understanding goes, money isn't really a problem for him any more.

    The other Khan, Aamir, did it and he wasn't even as famous or popular back then as you were. I doubt he has as much muscle in the industry as you do, either. Ranbir Kapoor, about half your age and a quarter of your experience, does it. So it is not about age, position or experience. It is about wanting to or not wanting to.  

    When my friends and I fell for you, it was because you were talking to us in a language we understood. Because you drilled into our heads a simple equation. Rahul=love, honour, honesty, sensibility.

    Because even though that raised our standards to such ludicrous highs that we never found our perfect men all through teenage, we were OK with it. Because when you say "Rahul, naam toh yaad rahega," our hearts still skip a beat.

   Because when you are Kabir Khan, you are able to raise a very predictable plot to above average. Simply because you play Khan like noone else could.

    That pride, I understand. This, I do not.

    This Rahul, I do not know.

    But this Rahul gets you your money, so I'm guessing you'll keep at it. But I'm going to stay away till there's a  trailer that shows me you are being you again, doing something that justifies my liking you. Our liking you. 

    I'm hoping that could be this Diwali. I'll watch out for the posters.

    But I know there's a good chance it won't, for easy money is an addiction. So long, then.

    

    P.S: Deepika Padukone is the only saving grace in Chennai Express. I hope you thanked and paid her enough.

   P.P.S: I know I'm nitpicking now, but Kalaripayattu and Kathakali are from Kerala. Chennai is in Tamil Nadu. You got the Bharatnatyam part right, though.